2000

This year's Christmas letter is dedicated to Mary's Aunt Catherine, whose heartfelt request to read another of these letters inspired me and wiped away writer's block brought on by binge drinking and gambling debts. I am also astounded that her letter arrived so early, suggesting that she starts addressing them in July, but let me not digress, lest I start drinking or gambling again.

We still desperately cling to the façade of happy, suburban life. Alex finally started kindergarten after two grueling years in preschool, got over his fear of water, and shows great promise at cussing. Emily started preschool and is currently on double-secret probation because of some potty-training issues. We are hoping to capitalize on her situation by distributing a new exercise video on developing buns of steel using a technique already familiar to everyone, that being crossing ones legs. To derive full benefit, however, one must cross one's legs for at least six hours a day, as Emily demonstrates. Still, we think it may catch on. Check out http://www.CrossOnesLegs.com to order the video.

Alex and Emily were in a dance recital together in June, but Alex has sworn off dancing in order to focus on sports. Emily chose to continue in tap, rather than ballet, because the tap costumes are prettier. The acorn doesn't fall far from the apple tree, as we used to say in the Army.

One of the highlights of the year was having registered the internet domain names cars.com, McDonalds.com, Disney.com, and SlobodanMilosevic.com, three of which had great potential. A low point was losing them all in a rigged Euchre game. We tried to escape that loss with a trip to Florida. However, a visit to Disney World and frequent fast-food meals brought all the misery back.

Mary is still squandering valuable family time singing with an all-ladies, barbershop choral group. They competed in Cleveland, again, and, once again, finished fourth, out of the money. On a similar note (get it, note) Emily is demonstrating a propensity for singing by learning vulgar pop culture songs with ease and enthusiasm.

I am still with the same company, but joined another project at a different State of Michigan agency. You can't keep a good man down, but you sure as hell can kick him while he's there, as we used to say in prison.

I finished that novel, more or less. I'm now sending out query letters to find an agent or a publisher. I'm also looking forward to my next project, an epistolary novel comprised entirely of Christmas letters. You can e-mail any ideas to mdhadick@cs.com.

Hope all is well with all who read this. God bless you, everyone.