Mystery of the Runaway Prius Solved

Last week, a man spent more than 20 harrowing minutes in a Toyota Prius with a stuck accelerator on a highway, going more than 90 miles per hour. Here in Michigan, that’s referred to as “getting to work,” but I’m not going to split hairs. The mystery as to why that Prius went that fast for so long has been solved.

It turns out that the Prius’ Flux Capacitor was malfunctioning. Had it been operating properly, the Prius would have crossed the space-time continuum, and gone back to a simpler time in our history, when idiots driving too fast were shot by other motorists suffering from road rage.