The Eternal Struggle Between Private Time and Family Time for a Writer Like Me

How a Quiet Night Between Holidays Became the Battle Ground Between Me and My Family

Kind of looks like me. (Photo via Stencil)

The Monday following Thanksgiving, my wife realized that we had an evening in which no one had any plans. Not me, not her, nor our daughter or son. This was a rarity because our children are adults, now, and have lives of their own, and my wife and I keep pretty busy. (Side note: I learned from my father that the secret to a happy marriage is to stay the hell out of the house except to eat or sleep.) 

As an amateur writer, an evening without an obligation to attend is one of the greatest windfalls. I struggle to carve out the minimum two hours I demand of myself every evening. With nothing going on for anyone, I looked forward to sitting at my desk in the corner for the entire evening, doing the creative work I love and some of the pragmatic work (planning, admin stuff) needed to move my writing business forward.

So what would we do with our windfall of leisure time?

Alas, my wife scheduled a photo shoot for the family. We hadn't had a portrait done in about twelve years, and it seemed over due. In fact, one could argue it might be the last chance for a family portrait for another dozen years, what with the disparity of schedules and the onslaught of time.

This looks really official. (Photo via Stencil)

I agreed. Family activities are one of the few things I allow to encroach on my writing time.

We chose JC Penney "portrait studios" because they're cheap, they had an opening, and they accept pets. Huzzah and three cheers for the photographer because the first to arrive, our daughter, was a full ten minutes late. Had she canceled us, it would have been my fault.

When the appointment was made, I wasn't paying attention and didn't realize it was JC Penney "portrait studios." I somehow thought it was a studio on the other side of Lansing and sent my son that address. I arrived on time but to the wrong place, and had to re-route our son.

Not our family. (Photo via Stencil)

Jacque Pene

The photographer, a young lady, exuded chill. (I'm not sure one really exudes "chill," so much as offers the vibe of chill, and you are free to notice or not.) She liked dogs. She often photographed children and I think had come to prefer animals to babies for getting the money shot.

Not our dog. (Photo via Stencil)

To sit for a portrait is surreal, as you must be painfully aware that you are sitting for a portrait while painfully attempting to look natural. The only people exempt from this are hand and foot models. No matter what they think of their hands or feet, their faces are not in the picture, so they can make all manner of uncomfortable faces, and it's only minimally expressed in their farthest appendages.

We had chosen dark outfits and this was a sound strategy. I'm not a big fan of the family photos with everybody dressed in matching pajamas, or in sports fan garb or, my least favorite, western costumes.

Am I a Writer or the Father of a Family?

I'm both, alas, and the push and pull between those two realities can cause me stress. Part of me wants to schedule hard blocks of time for my writing that are inviolate. But doing so means I might miss something that happens with my family, and that's just not how I want to live. Let's face it, if the only thing I ever wanted to do was write, I would have abandoned my family years ago.

Also not our family. (Photo via Stencil)

But I'm not. So I scramble to find time. Just like the time I found to write this.