My birthday was this past week and I wanted to make it a special day: I wanted to vacuum.
I know what you’re thinking: the vibrating motor and the 12 amps of suction excite me. Nope. I just like to get the filth off the floor.
Filth you say? Yeah.
We have three dogs and two cats at the moment. The dogs are tunneling to China most days, and that cats shed hair like new recruits at Camp Lejeune.
We have brown, shag carpeting so you don’t see the filth on the floor. When I see it in the vacuum’s cannister I’m relieved.
Last week, I realized what I wanted for my birthday
The vacuum clogs up pretty much every time I use it. Last week was a doozy and I disassembled it three times to dislodge all the clogs.
I was so frustrated that I asked for one thing and one thing only for my birthday: a new vacuum. I use a Hoover so maybe the Shark or the Dyson can handle our level of filth.
Am I getting old and boring? or do I just really love vacuuming? I think I’m old and boring because I don’t want a Roomba. I want a good vacuum that doesn’t clog so easily so I can do my thing.
My love of vacuums goes way back
As a kid, vacuuming was the chore I enjoyed. (The other chore I had—which I didn’t enjoy—was picking up dog turds in the yard.)
There’s something about stroking the carpet, methodically moving back and forth, until satisfaction is reached, that I enjoy. I can’t quite put my finger on it.
When you’ve done it right, people notice. My wife may not say anything, but when the carpet has been thoroughly cleaned, there’s a flush to her cheeks and a sparkle in her eye.
Kirby never clogged
We had a Kirby vacuum when I was a kid, and Kirby never clogged. The design was simple: a wide mouth sucking up filth. The rotating bristles agitating the carpet. And a bag to gather it all. There were no hoses or attachments, so there was nowhere for a clog to form.
Occasionally, the belt would slide off the shaft, but I became adept and slipping it back on and getting busy again.
If you can vacuum, you can tell stories
Rip Torn’s classic line in Dodgeball, “If you can dodge wrenches, you can dodge balls,” is pertinent. If you can vacuum a room, you can tell a story.
A dirty floor reveals its secrets, like a story. There are well-worn paths in the carpet, but there are also footprints of filth that are clues to what happened in that room. There may be a button lost in an amorous encounter, or broken glass from conflict. Or the cat may have hacked up a hairball. You never know what you’ll find.
When you’re finished, and all the loose threads are tidied up, you can put away the vacuum with a sense of satisfaction. But tomorrow or the next day—definitely by week’s end—there will be another story to figure out on the carpet.
Meanwhile, at My Writing Desk…
I’ve been working on publishing a couple of books. One of them, HIVE, is a young adult, science fiction dystopian novel. I’ve mentioned it before, but never shown you the cover. Here it is:
Maybe You’d Like…
If you’re into that young adult (YA) stories, or Sci-fi, or dystopian, here are two group promotions I’ve joined. You’ll see HIVE in with others, but this is a great opportunity to read some new stories by people who love to write.
YA Dystopian & Scifi Giveaway (Click here to check them out).
All Sci-fi Giveaway: Dystopias, Neon, Aliens, & More… (Click here to check them out)!
Upcoming Books and Stuff
The other book I’m working on is non-fiction. It’s something I’ve been working on for two years now, and will be revealed soon enough.
I’ll be glad to have it in the published stage because I have a sequel to HIVE I want to write, among other stories.
Next Week
I’ll send another edition of the Mickey Picayune next week to talk about some other books. As always, I’ll try to make this as much fun as possible. Like vacuuming fun, if you know what I mean.
Thanks for reading the Mickey Picayune!
All the best,
–mickey
P.S. I really did want a vacuum for my birthday but, because I figured out the clog situation, I struck it from my list. It ain’t a Kirby, but this old Hoover ain’t bad. What did I get instead? Shirts, shorts and underwear.