A few weeks ago, I did something shameful.
A door-to-door salesman knocked on the door, triggering our dogs, who barked wildly. I slipped out the front door and found a lanky young man, probably younger than my son, dressed as if he were going golfing.
He was selling insecticide treatments. They spray around your house killing ants, spiders, and pretty much everything. I hate the idea because suburban lawns are terrible for the environment, and then to kill insects indiscriminately adds insult to injury, and more injury. I told him those insects are not a threat, and we should just leave them be.
The young man countered by telling me he was providing the service for the neighbors across the street and two houses down. This is a standard sales technique, persuading me with social proof, trust and possibly activating my mimicry (i.e., keeping up with the Joneses). I’d heard it before. Specifically, I’d heard it from another salesman from that same company the year before, and I had told that young man I wasn’t interested and to go away.
“But the ants are causing damage,” he said, pointing to some dirt next to my front steps. The dirt was, in fact, due to ant activity, but it wasn’t carpenter ants and it wasn’t termites.
“They’re not hurting the house and they’re not hurting me,” I said loudly, getting annoyed. His sales techniques had triggered my annoyance, it seemed, rather than my interest in the product.
The young man laughed at me, and persisted, telling me it made no sense not to buy their product. Well that did it for me.
The rage boiled over and I yelled and chased him from the yard. Maybe it was the insanity of ongoing mass shootings, or the recent Supreme Court decisions, or maybe I just didn’t like the smug look on that guys face, but I felt all the anger I’d seen in my father during our youth.
A mirror image from the past
It reminded me of another angry encounter I’d had with a door-to-door salesman over 20 years ago, shortly after we moved into this house. While I was raking the front yard, I guy drove up in a pickup truck and approached me.
“You want to buy some meat?” he asked.
He was to the point, I’ll give him that. But all I could say was, “What?”
“I got some frozen meat. Good cuts, real cheap. I have to get rid of them. They’re vacuum sealed and everything, so it’s totally legit.”
The bed of the pickup had a large, metal compartment, and he pulled out a couple of frozen steaks.
“Sorry, but I’m not going to buy frozen meat from a stranger out of the back of his truck,” I said.
“What the hell is the matter with you?” He was loud, glaring at me, and (I noticed) much bigger than me. “Ain’t nothing wrong with selling meat if it’s good and safe, and I’m telling you it’s good and safe.”
“I would have to talk to my wife,” I said, looking for a way out. “She does most of the shopping.”
“What kind of man are you that you can’t buy some frozen meat?”
I backed up the driveway, ducked into the house, and locked the door. I watched from the window until he drove away.
Read the room
He wasn’t wrong. It probably was fine meat, and a “good” deal. Same with the young man selling insecticide: he was doing something “honest” and I probably shouldn’t have gotten so angry.
My message to both of them, and anyone else out there trying these sales techniques, is to read the room. Standup comedians know better than anyone that you’ve got to find a way to connect with your audience and gain their confidence.
That’s part of the reason I’m trying different genres with my writing, searching for that sweet spot of stories I’m good at that also appeal to an audience.
If you feel I’m forcing frozen meat on you, or laughing at your refusal to buy my books like that smug a-hole selling insecticide, please let me know!
Meanwhile, at My Writing Desk…
The class on finding my comedic voice through humorous personal essays is winding down. I’m loving it, though, and learning a lot about editing.
It reminds me of an adage I keep fresh in my mind: any idiot can write a novel, but it takes a hell of a lot more work than the initial writing to make it entertaining and compelling.
Maybe You’d Like
I’ve joined forces with a bunch of other authors for a Spectacular Summer Adventure Reading promotion. Take a look, and see if anything excites or inspires you to read. The amazing banner with the shark is worth a click, if nothing else.
Recommended Reading
I’ve made the rookie mistake of reading three novels at once, so it feels like I’m not getting anywhere with anything. They are:
- Jacob’s Room, which is literary fiction told with experimental narrative
- Hark, comedy and satire
- The Need, psychological thriller
They are about as different from each other as possible, and I love each one in their own way. I’m basically a book bigamist.
Next Picayune
Barring a bout with COVID, I’ll be writing as much as possible. Thanks for reading the Mickey Picayune.
All the best,
–mickey