I Thought We Were Just Going Out For Ice Cream But Now I Guess I’m Part of This Rioting Mob

January 15, 2025

Adobe Hypnotizes You with their Updated Terms of Service for A.I.

June 19, 2024

Aging House Cat or Spouse of 20+ Years?

May 6, 2024

I Still Deserve A Slice Of Pie Despite “Only” Bringing A Veggie Tray To Thanksgiving Dinner

December 14, 2023

Walden Pool, The Billionaires-Only, Ultra-Luxury Community For Self-Reflection And Simple Living

August 23, 2023

My Work Day, as Envisioned by the Billionaire CEO

August 8, 2023

Please Don’t Feed The Bear At The Checkout Counter. He’s Angry.

July 26, 2023

Open Enrollment for Red-Blooded Americans

November 19, 2022

Now That We Have a Potion From the Forest Wizards to Dampen the Curse for Spontaneous Human Combustion, it’s Time to Return to the Office

September 29, 2022

Our Ride or Die Pledge has been Revised. Please Read Carefully.

September 15, 2022

15 Things to Do With That Economy-Sized Tub of Guacamole From Costco

August 24, 2022

Ebenezer Scrooge And The Boxing Day Murders

December 27, 2021

Mom’s New Rules for Thanksgiving

November 24, 2021

God Workshops The Ten Commandments With His Holy Spirit, Jesus, Adam And Eve

November 10, 2021

Nightmares About Game Shows and Health Care

August 25, 2021

The Old Man and The Sea and The Reverse Mortgage

July 21, 2021

As a Formerly-Frozen Cave Dweller, I Worry About Food, Fire and Voter Suppression

July 8, 2021

The Four White Men of the Apocalypse

April 11, 2021

America and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

January 8, 2021

New Streaming Services Competing for Your Money

December 28, 2020

A Message From the Apple Growers Association of America on the Recent Spate of People Choked by Apples

September 2, 2020

The Ten Virgins with AR-15s and Other Parables for 2nd Amendment Evangelicals

August 26, 2020

Weekend at Donny’s

August 4, 2020

I’m COVID-19, and I Don’t Give a Flying Fuck About You

May 6, 2020

Select LinkedIn Posts for 2B2F Chemical, as Written by Its Public Relations Director, Mammon, Satan’s Demon of Greed

April 23, 2020

Dress For the Job You’re About to Lose, Not the Job You’re Never Going to Have

November 18, 2019

Hall Passes for Dumb Social Obligations the Big Dumb World Expects You To Attend, But You’d Really Rather Not Go

February 11, 2019

Fanciful Names for Full Moons that Better Reflect the Light of Today’s World

January 9, 2019

Farting in the Office for Beginners

September 21, 2018

Urinating at Work — Dos and Don’ts

June 16, 2018

When Good Carrots Go Bad — A Drama in Seven Acts

April 21, 2018

It’s Jeans Day at Work — A Memo

March 29, 2018

Love to Think With Your Gun? Here are Five Killer Book Titles For Kids That Will Blow Away the Competition

March 5, 2018

Friendly Addendum to Employee Handbook, EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY

February 19, 2018

Letters from Santa at the End of the Patriarchy

December 6, 2017

What I Taught the Robot Who Replaced Me at My Job

November 21, 2017

How the Oxford Comma Will Make America Great Again

November 7, 2017