I’ve always been a sucker for get-rich quicks schemes. I’ve never fallen for a brazen pyramid scheme but I have nothing against them. It’s just that I want to get in early enough so I can score and get out while the getting’s good.
Perhaps it’s more accurate to say that I’m a sucker for any chance to be plucked out of obscurity and into success. The current Power Ball lottery is one fine example (and yes, I purchased a ticket). Another is my hope that one of my stories goes viral, sells big, or gets a Hollywood movie deal. Possibly all three.
The Incredible Texas Land Grab of the Early Aughts
I claim to have avoided pyramid schemes, but I did get pulled into a bubble of land speculation in Ponzi-scheme fashion. (A Ponzi-scheme is a pyramid scheme with a charismatic, almost cult-like leader drawing in the suckers.) One of the soccer dads I knew made his living buying and selling land in Texas. I was mesmerized by his success.
By land, I mean desert. And by “in Texas” I mean swaths of desert north of the Rio Grande but a two or three hour drive from “civilization.”
The Glory Days of Ebay
He bought chunks of land 1,000 acres at a time, sub-divided them into five acre lots, and sold them on eBay to people in Germany. Why did people in Germany want five acres of landlocked desert in Texas with no roads or water?
He couldn’t answer that question. He’d stumbled into the business model from his older brother, tapped into an irrational swarm of buyers across the internet, and sold the parcels at a profit.
Every three months he’d fly to Texas to close on yet another massive swath of desert for a few thousand dollars, pay a guy to draw up the necessary paperwork, file it at the county office, and assemble all the deeds. From a computer in his basement, he created listings on eBay and waited, a spider spinning his web hoping a fly or two might stop by.
Judging from his house, SUVs, camper and boat, along with paying college tuition for his older sons, plenty of flies stopped by.
Always Make the Mark Beg to be Let in on the Deal
I all but begged him to let me in on this amazing opportunity. He sold me five acres “at cost,” showed me how to create the eBay listing, and I sat back and waited.
And waited.
Crickets.
So I slashed the price…
Still nothing.
A Man of God, He Took Mercy on Me
After several months and multiple listing fees with eBay, we realized that my single little parcel of desert wasn’t going to sell anytime soon. Graciously, but still out of pity, he arranged a deal with one of his customers to take the five acres off of my hands.
Then he mentioned that he had built up some regular customers who told their friends about this amazing opportunity to purchase land in America’s glorious south, and that seemed to be the source of his customers. In addition, once he landed a sale on eBay, he upsold the buyer with deals for 10, 15, or 20 additional acres sold outside the eBay ecosystem. Even with the discounted prices, he still made a profit by avoiding the eBay fees.
“That’s actually why this works,” he said. “It might take you two or three years to build up a customer base, and who knows if they’ll still be interested by then.”
Dutch Tulip Mania
This group of Germans snapping up parcels of land were in a mania triggered by all the wacky stuff you could buy on eBay and the idea of owning part of America. I was coming in at completely the wrong time and with no real chance of getting in on the game to win.
A year later, the soccer dad’s land sales had dried up. The mania broke as quickly as the Dutch Tulip frenzy in 1637, or the Beanie Baby craze in 1999.
“What are you going to do now?” I asked.
“My brother and I are selling mineral rights in Nevada.”
Basically, they were enticing customers with the possibility of owning the rights to gold, silver and platinum that might be buried on land they just happened to have for sale.
I shit you not.
The Golden Years of Ebooks
Despite having written three novels by 2010, I somehow missed the ebook frenzy precipitated by the Amazon Kindle. Still looking to find a traditional publisher, I decided not to upload them to Amazon’s store to see what might happen.
Meanwhile, some guy who lives near me, having been laid off from GM, dashed off some pulp western novels and promptly sold 200,000 copies at a buck each (his cut was $0.30 each).
The idea of ebooks finally caught my eye, but the Golden Years of Ebooks, which lasted from August, 2011 to May, 2012, had passed. During the mania, people would buy ebooks as fast as they could click the button, including books filled with random text.
It’s Fine, Really…
I’m more interested in telling a good story than cranking out pulp. Writing is hard enough without turning it into a paint-by-numbers factory gig. Sure, it’d be nice to hit it big someday, but I take pride in my books.
And I’m not just trying to sell you a gold mine out in desert.
If you’re interested, here are those book links again 😉:
The Forgettable Marriage of Lina and Joe
Maybe You’d Like
I’m teaming up with all kinds of authors for a couple of promotions, so hang onto your hat:
Take a thrill ride with these books this fall:
Next Picayune
I’m only sending one Picayune this month because of the election (I’m volunteering to get out the vote and work at the polls) followed by Thanksgiving, but I’ll be back in early December.
Remember to tell your friends to vote, and also about my newsletter, by forwarding this email, and thanks for reading the Mickey Picayune! \
All the best,
Mickey
P.S. Don’t forget to vote. Democracy as we know it hangs in the balance. 🤞